Dogs are known for their loyalty, love, and, of course, their ability to make us laugh. From their mischievous behavior to their unexpected smarts, these jokes highlight the hilarious moments that make our furry companions so lovable.
From a dog with a knack for shopping to a talking canine with a wild past, these seven jokes perfectly capture the comedic side of our four-legged friends. Get ready to laugh at the antics only dogs can pull off!
1. A Dinner Table Dilemma
A girl was meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time. Unfortunately, she was dealing with a severely upset stomach. As they were seated at the dinner table, she had to try and release some of the crippling pressure and decided to let out a little gas quietly.
Her “little” fart resulted in a squeak audible enough for everyone at the table to hear. Their heads snapped up, and the father looked at her, then at the dog lying on the floor behind her chair, and said, “Max.”
“This is great,” she thought. “They think it was the dog,” and everyone went back to eating.
Five minutes later, the pain returned, and she felt the need to relieve more pressure. Without shifting, she let out another bit of wind, this time twice as loud as the last. Everyone looked up again, and the father said, “MAX!” much to her delight. Everyone resumed eating.
Feeling much better but still not out of the woods, the girl decided to go for the gusto and completely relieve herself from the still-present pain of the gastro-fiend.
Brimming with confidence, she let out an unholy ripper, all of which lasted nearly four seconds. Everyone stopped eating and looked at one another. The father put down his fork, rose from his chair, looked at the dog, and shouted, “Max! For the love of God! Get away from there before she craps on you!!”
2. The Genius Shopper
As a butcher was shooing a dog from his shop, he saw a $10 bill and a note in the dog’s mouth, reading, “Five lamb chops, please.”
Amazed, he took the money, put a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closed the shop. He followed the dog and watched him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop
The dog checked the timetable and sat on the bench. When a bus arrived, he walked around to the front, looked at the number, then boarded the bus. The butcher followed, dumbstruck. As the bus traveled out into the suburbs, the dog took in the scenery.
After a while, he stood on his back paws to push the “Stop” bell, and the butcher followed him off the bus.
The dog ran up to a house and dropped his bag on the step. He went back down the path, lined up for a big sprint, and threw himself against the door. Whap! He did this again and again with no answer. So he jumped on a wall, walked around the garden, beat his head against a window, jumped off, and waited at the front door.
A big guy opened it and started cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher ran up and screamed at the guy, “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!”
The owner responded, “Genius, my butt… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”
3. The Nap-Loving Visitor
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into a man’s yard. He could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. The dog calmly came over to the man, who gave him a few pats on his head.
The dog then followed the man into his house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner, and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and the man let him out. The next day, the dog was back. He greeted the man in his yard, walked inside, and resumed his spot in the hall, again sleeping for about an hour. This continued on and off for several weeks.
Curious one day, the man pinned a note to the dog’s collar, “I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful, sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”
The next day, the dog arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar, “He lives in a home with six children, two under the age of three; he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”
4. The Plasterer at the Pub
A dog walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hang on! You’re a dog.”
“I see your eyes are working,” replies the dog.
“And you can talk!” exclaims the bartender.
“I see your ears are working, too,” says the dog. “Now, if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?”
“Certainly, sorry about that,” says the bartender as he pulls the dog’s pint. “It’s just we don’t get many dogs in this pub. What brings you this way?”
“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the dog. “I’m a plasterer.”
The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the dog and wants to learn more but takes the hint when the dog pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. The dog reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the bartender a good day, and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day, the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint, and the bartender says to him, “You’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this dog that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper, and everything!”
“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”
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The next day, when the dog comes into the pub, the bartender says, “Hey, Mr. Dog, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”
“I’m always looking for the next job,” says the dog. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” says the bartender.
“The circus?” repeats the dog.
“That’s right,” replies the bartender.
“The circus?” The dog asks again. “With the big tent?”
“Yeah,” the bartender replies.
“With all the animals who live in cages and performers who live in caravans?” says the dog.
“Of course,” the bartender replies.
“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the dog.
“That’s right!” says the bartender.
The dog shakes his head in amazement and says, “Why in the world would they want a plasterer??!”
5. Corgi Comedy
Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.
6. The Talking Dog for Sale
A guy spots a sign in front of a house, which reads, “Talking dog for sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner explains that the dog is in the backyard. The guy ventures to the backyard and sees a dog just sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the dog replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered I could talk pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time, they had me jetting from country to country. I sat in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”
“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is astounded. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
The owner replies, “He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”
7. The Skateboarding Dog
A man was talking to his neighbor one day. He said, “I’ve really had it with my dog. He’ll chase anyone on a skateboard.”
“Hmmm, that is a problem,” answered the neighbor, slightly concerned. “What are you thinking of doing about it?”
The man shrugged and replied, “Guess the only answer is to confiscate his skateboard.”
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